... from experience and observation                            

...carefree world of children...

“How do you; parents, politely communicate that you are not interested in play dates with a persistent neighbour with unruly kids?

Children are very different in both temperament and age and of course parents don’t want to force their children into a situation they don’t want to participate in. Parents can’t force their children to become friends if they don’t like each other. But ideally, parents should let their children make the choice for themselves.It sounds as if they don’t particularly care for this “persistent” neighbour whose children they think are “unruly”.  If they’re setting the neighborhood cats on fire, then by all means keep their kids away. But if these parents mean they’re noisier than they like, or less polite to adults than they’d like, that’s a different story. They’re “not interested” in play dates. If their children feel the same way, fine. But if not? Children should have the opportunity to be friends with the kids they like, even if they’re not necessarily the kids you like. 

When I was four, I played with a little girl who was a year older. Both her parents worked part-time (which was unusual in my urban neighbourhood), and some of the other mothers — mine included — thought my friend was unruly. Left in the care of teenage brothers, she had the run of the block. Unlike me, she never had to wear ironed pinafore dresses and socks and shoes or eat  green vegetables or go to bed at 9 p.m. 

One day my mother discovered the two of us on the front stoop, sprinkling a trail of sugar up the steps to construct an “ant farm.” Result: I wasn’t allowed to play with her anymore. For the next week, I moped in the garden yard until my mother reluctantly lifted the ban. And thank God. Every idea that little girl had was an adventure, and I loved her precisely because she was fearless in the face of the other mothers’ disapproval. When the two of us sneaked into the kitchen to “borrow” the sugar bowl was the first time I understood the exhilaration of rebelling against authority. 

But that’s just one story from a long time ago. The situation now might be very different,  The thing to do is determine how the children feel about their neighbour’s kids and then support the choice. From my perspectives and observations, depending on the children’s age, there are two ways to go:

1. If a child is still little - a preschooler, say - ask him or her, “Do you want to play with myinda today?” If the answer is no, tell myinda's mother that at this developmental stage your child is most comfortable playing with kids who are the same age. Don’t make it sound like it’s the other kid’s fault. Simply say, “Children change so much as they grow up. Maybe one day they’ll discover they want to be friends.”

2. If a child is in elementary school, he or she already gets practice in the schoolyard. So take a step back. Tell the other mother, “I like to stay out of it and let kids work things out on their own.” Remind her that learning to gracefully navigate tricky social situations is one of the most important skills children need to acquire to become happy grownups.

And if the kids sprinkle sugar on the front stoop? Be glad it’s not a stripe of red paint. (Parents backup plan was to see if the ants would follow a “road,” and sometimes, till now, I still wonder...  ;-D

So friends, mind me asking...if you are now parents (don't forget to invite me for your wedding first; anyway... ;-p) what do you think? Do you let your children play with anybody they want? Or do you as parents monitor their playdates?

Well, parents now are making parenting far too laborious by micro-managing  their childrens'  lives.

p/s...in each family a story is playing itself out, and each family's story embodies its hope and despair.